No, I couldn't stop...

My father had never let us down.
He always provided us with the best that he could gave it to his family, even when he was very ill.
He never complained and gave up his hope.
He just continues...

My mother always nag.
She was never satisfied with our attitude, because we are just too lazy.
But no matter how long she nag, she wouldn't really stop helping us to reorganized our things.
She just continues...

I don't really have any serious commitment yet.
So, I do have a choice.
I could always just stop at there and do nothing. Or just simply walk away.


But, how could I?

My parents never stopped!

Have you ever think of stop doing something?

Um.....now I have a stable and steady job.

But,

would it be enough to fulfill my current and future expenses?

would it satisfied my mental needs or should I say spiritually needs for years to come?

I don't know.


Somehow, now I just keep pushing myself to move forward and non-stop!

It feels good to excel...

At the same time, however, I just wish everything is just nice and enough. So, I don't have to keep on pushing and motivating myself all the time.


They have high expectation for me. I can't let them down. I must move on.

I never felt demotivated before, even in the toughest time of my job.

I can't say that I'm totally demotivated now. I'm just hoping that my life would be a bed of roses. at least once in a life time.

Who wouldn't? Right?


I just hope to come to a stop where I could really stop myself from over-thinking about taking actions for my present and future life, and doing it!


Tick...tick...tick...and suddenly ................................................

The clock stops to tick.

The time continues to run.

I couldn't turn back the time.

I just have to continue......
to drug myself with purpose, plan, action and motivation!

又是一年一度的母亲节了!

很幸运的，我的母亲还健在。
我还有机会孝顺她! 不过，说真的，应该是气她比较多吧!
我，一定要记得珍惜这份福气啊!
但妈妈是不会看到这篇文章的啦，因为妈妈上网只为了看看财神爷要派钱给她用了没! 哈哈!

我还没那种福分，可当上妈妈。
但庆幸的是，有几个小瓜曾叫过我 "阿妈，妈打，mother"。
就连我去监考时(跟那班子女不同班)，隔一天就有人说"你阿妈来了!"
读到这里，你应该可以想像得到，我是怎样的一个灵魂工程师巴!
虽然被叫"阿妈"，但并不代表是一件非常值得骄傲的事啦! 因为"阿妈"代表"罗唆"，而且这"阿妈"常常说:" It's for your own good!"
我也因为这一句"It's for your own good!" 而很荣幸地开始当上了"mother"! 所以我要感谢这部戏"小孩不笨"，如果没有它，我就当不"mother"了! 而给我这荣耀的儿子就是身形像Terry的! 哈哈!

今年，我要在此特别感谢我细心的女儿，在母亲节时还特地献上祝福。
谢谢你哦(还是女儿最贴心，儿子也不错啦)!

至我的妈妈: 妈妈，我会改的!
至我的儿女们: 我会尽力不当个太罗嗦的"妈打"!

12/5/07

Its nice to know...

We all have our own opinions.
Sometimes, we just tend to keep it to ourselves.
When we are asked about our opinions, maybe we'll tell our true opinion, or maybe not.

When I'm still very naive, I wouldn't accept any opinion other than mine. Though, today I'm still sometimes behave like that...haha!

However, when I become an observer(or should I say an "outsider") of a discussion group, I really enjoyed it when everybody can truly voice out their opinion. It is because we can learn from each other. But maybe not everybody will feel and think the same.

During a discussion, one might not say this but one might think like this,

"I'm right. You must be wrong!"
"I might not be correct, but so do you!"
"You are not with me, so you are against me!"


But have one ever think of this?:

"What a surprise! I never thought there would be people thinking like this!"
"If I were in their position, would I have said the same thing?"
"I'm right but so might they."
"You are not with me, but you are not against me! Thank you for making my life richer by sharing with me your precious opinions!"


After the discussion, can I forget what our differences that made us argue during the discussion?
Maybe yes. Maybe not.
But I'll try to let it go because I shall and I must remember what was the main purpose of the discussion.
It's for the best not for the worst!

It is nice to know that we do have differences!
To me, the differences made my life filled up with different colours!
To All my precious, thank you very much!

I want or not?

I want it?

I don't want it?

Before I was able to decide, it has gone!

Do I really want it?
Do I really want it just because it's not going to be mine?

Do I really don't want it?
Do I really don't want it after I've consider all the pro's and con's?

I don't know...
I only know that it has already gone!

At the beginning, I felt hurt.
After a while, I have to start to comfort and encourage myself.
After all, it's not there anymore.
What more could I do?

And, I shall remember what I've told myself last year:
"If you want to be happy, then you must not be selfish (or "count less"), be satisfied with what you have, put it down (or let it go), forgive and forget others." [in July, 2006 archive]

So, now, deal with it and it's no big deal anymore!
And in the end, it's not even a deal at all!
Hahahaha!!!

我要吗?

我不要吗?

当我在还没来得及决定之前，它已经不见了!

我真的要它吗?
我真的要它，就只因为它即将不是属于我的了?

我真的不要它吗?
当我已考虑了所有的好处与坏处过后，我真的不要它了?

我不知道。。。
我只知道它已不见了!

刚开始，我觉得被伤害了。
过了一阵子，我就得开始安慰和鼓励自己。
它，都已经不见了!
我还可以再做什么呢?

还有，我应该要记得我自己去年告诉自己什么:
"但是你要切记哦,要宽心,要快乐,就要少计较,知足,放得下,宽容他人."
[在July, 2006 的 archive].

所以，现在面对它。它就没什么大不了了!
到了最后，它根本就不是"它"了!
或许我应该说是"无"它了吧!
哈哈哈!

职责(一) Duty and Responsibility(1)

家里尚有父母，所以要好好孝顺和伺候父母。
这，就是我首要的职责。

我选择了当"人类灵魂工程师"，所以我一定要带自己的灵魂去工作。 虽然我无法帮到每一个灵魂，但是就算有帮到那么一个，也就足够了。
请记得，不是你在帮助或教导他们，而是他们给你这机会互相帮助，互相学习，逆增上缘，不白白虚度此生。
这，就是我的第二自选的职责。

原来，所有的山珍海味，都比不上我将来老的时候还可以随意安心地吃上一顿粗茶淡饭的那么美味和欣慰!
还有，老生常谈的"金钱不能买健康"也是真的。金钱，它能让你买药，但它却不能断绝你的病痛。
口福和健康都是有限额的。唯有知足常乐，好好的使用这限额，才不会等到老的时候才百般的无耐!
这，就是我第三自选的职责。

My parents are still here with me. So I shall treat my parents with filial.
This is my first and foremost important duty and responsibility.

I’ve chosen to be “soul engineer”. Therefore, I must bring my soul to work. Although I couldn’t help all the “soul”, but if there’s only one “soul” that I could helped, that would be enough for me already.

Please remember, it is not you that helped or taught them, it were them who gave you this chance to help each other, to learn from each other, so that you won’t spend this life emptily.
This is my own second chosen duty and responsibility.

All those taste of delicious and expensive food cannot be compared to the taste of common food that I might still be able to eat, without fear, when I’m old.
And the old saying “money can’t by health” is true. Money can enable you to buy medicine, but it will not able to terminate and eliminate your pain and disease.
Able to eat and health have its quota. Only by being satisfied and happy with what we got, and use these quotas wisely, then we will not be so helpless when we are old.
This is my own third chosen duty and responsibility.

The “soul” has the meaning of “…..”. You should know it if you know what my job is! Hehehe….
May 10, 2007

就让它这么简单吧!

Painted by Kai Teh, 2007

突然间有了灵感，就想画一朵粉红色的花。

画了一朵过后，觉得好像太空了吧! 那再画多几朵好了。

背景白白的，也好像蛮空的也。那再涂上青色吧! 花一定是要在草丛中的!

最后的成品，就不如我想像的了!

算了吧! 差不多每次都是这样的。。。

过了一个星期，我从报章上看到一位大师的作品。

虽然好简单，但 却可以给人一种很安祥的感觉。

原来，简单也可以是那么地美，那么地和谐!

那我干嘛要把我当初的想像给复杂化呢?

于是，我重新再画过那一朵花。

而给了这副画起名为"简约"。

"简约" 1 Painted by Kai Teh, 2007

"简约" 2 Painted by Kai Teh, 2007

只要可以有节制地约束自己，东西是可以简单，简洁的。

(由于我画画的技巧很有限， 所以"简约"1是真的如此。"简约"2是我用拍照制造出来的效果，也是我想像中的画像。希望有一天我会真的画画啦，而不必靠加工!)

苦，因无法作主。

"心若迷时会很苦，苦在自己无法作主"
证严法师

我就是这么样的一个人。
很多时候，我都不敢自己作决定。
总喜欢问问别人的意见，再来就是求神问卦咯!
但每当我举棋不定时，我只要想起，或是看到这句话，我就会再次鼓起勇气，谨慎思考，然后作出决定，逼自己负责任!
因为，这句话的前一句是这样的:

"培养面对现实的勇气和毅力，以欢喜心接受一切境界，不要动辄求神问卦"
证严法师
摘自"勇敢面对现实"源于[静思语1]

I can't translate the great sayings in the book "静思语1" by veteran "Zheng Yan" (证严法师) accurately and precisely and moreover, my English vocabulary is very limited.

But to me, it sounds like this "when our heart is lost, we would feel very hard (or bitter). It is hard (or bitter) because I can't decide by myself."

I'm this type of person.

For most of the time, I dare not decide by myself.

I've always liked to ask others' opinion. And for more, I'll go for fortune telling.

Everytime when I'm "undecisive", I only need to think of or see this phrase, I'll again have the courage to think carefully, and then made decision as well as to force myself to be responsible for it!

It is because the phrase before this phrase (by veteran 证严法师) sounds like this "inculcate the courage and endurance to face reality, use a happy heart to accept all the occurence, don't just simply go for fortune telling."

graduation flower photo

Me, with my new digicam, took this bouquet of flower, which is a gift from my aunt for my convocation.

Congratulation to me!

My Chinese New Year Paintings (2003-2005)

Painted by Kai Teh, 2003

The painting with green plant or what my mum call it "Guan Yin Bamboo" was the first plant I brought to university with me during my first year. I had to bring it to and fro from my house when the semester breaks came. However, this plant was already dead (don't know which semester already)! It was also a visible mark for my friends to recognise me because I put the bamboo beside my beg! The bamboo made me stand out from the crowd. My friend actually spotted me in a bus because of my plant! Haha! This bamboo had accompanied me during Chinese New Year 2003!

Actually, this painting was not completed. I should had painted the water in the vase (ice cream cup) too. But because of mood and time, I just left it like that. The writing was added later too when I bought the new brush for caligraphy writing.

Painted by Kai Teh, 2004(5?)

The second painting, with the oranges, was also painted before Chinese New Year. Actually, I would like to paint it with red colour because Chinese New Year is full of red colour. However, I was thinking like, um, back in the very very old days, would they be just using the black ink only? And I want to create a feeling like the Chinese New Year was celebrated in a very very old, tradition and moderate ways. The only thing that I was not satisfied with this painting was the word " 春 ". I shouldn't have overlap the word on the oranges. I should have let the word be incomplete so it seem more realistic.

Well, the paintings were just all about my mood! So, just let it be...not so perfect.

My first out of box painting 1996

Painted by Kai Teh, 1996

As I tidy up my things, I can't find any of my exam papers with flying colours (with red or blue)! I only keep my drawing book and paintings of my secondary school years. Many of my painting and drawing were lost when I moved to my new house. I really regretted that I only come to realize that the things that I valued most, other than friendship and memories, was my work of art (the art here means drawings, paintings...etc but does not mean 'masterpiece').

I'm not an artist. I admit that I don't have the natural talent like others to draw and paint wonderfully, but I did and still do enjoy painting and doing things related to art nowadays! In fact, when I'm in primary and secondary school, the subject I liked most was art! I felt much appreciated if my paintings were hang on the notice board. I would be very happy and proud if my family members and friends praise me for my paintings. And, it is the only subject that I would go around asked for opinion from all my family members. Back then, art to me was all about appraisal and, ... marks, of course!

Now, when I'm not schooling anymore, art just made me feel relax. Sometimes, by painting, it released me from stress and boredom too! I don't force myself to paint certain objects, it's just all about my mood, inspiration and free time at that moment!

As you can see, the title of the painting was 'Suhu Warna' which means the temperature of the colour. It was during Form 3, that my teacher asked us to paint according to the title. I'd always wanted to paint something against the usual real colour in our life, but there were just no suitable title for it (except when I'm in kindergarten and primary school, where almost everything is suitable and acceptable to me).

I tried this title by using the colours that made us feel hot and warm (according to the book, of course), then.....ta da! This painting came out as one of my most valued painting!

希望我未来的女儿叫。。。(一)

昨晚，我读了证严法师的静思语1:

[戒定慧]
"。。。戒是生活行动的宗旨，用来教戒我们不做坏事；行为不发生差错，心就有定力，精神就会统一，如此就可产生智慧。"

我是个没有定力的人，常常举棋不定，而犯了一些可以避免的错误。事后，就会常常后悔，常常反省。但我却一而再，再而三的犯错。然后呢，就骂自己笨死了!

然而，这一切仍然还在循环中。

我知道什么是坏事(根据宗教，法律，习俗)。
但是在不同的时候，‘坏事’却有着不同的定义了。‘坏事’并不完全是真的那么‘坏’啊!
说谎言是好的吗?讲谎言是对的吗?
但，你一定有听过‘善意’的谎言吧? 你听了这个‘善意’的谎言后，还是会那么坚决的责怪那个人吗? 这又来到黑白灰的地带了吧!

我知道这是一种借口，一种给没定力，没智慧的人的一个出口，让他们可以继续逃避!
只是到最后，我知道我还是错的。

我想应该没有人姓‘戒’吧! 但我希望以后我的女儿的名字是。。。‘定慧’

定慧，
妈妈没资格要求你些什么。
妈妈也无法逼你接受妈妈的想法，因为妈妈的想法也不完全是对的!
妈妈只希望‘定慧’会是一个幸福快乐的人。
有些事情，只要我们下定决心把它给继续下去或就此打住，过后它就会雨过天晴了。从此以后，我们就知道要如何度过雨天了。

第一封写给自己的信

。。。:
独立，需要付出很大的代价。思念家人的唠叨和关怀是无可避免的。所以，你必须忍耐。
还记得 ‘Beach Boy’吗? 那位老伯说:
“出去，就是为了要回去。”
既然你已经出来了，所以回去时，就要好好的珍惜你的家人，孝顺父母，知道吗?
记得，对你父母和弟弟而言，什么是他们最想得到的回报呢? 好成绩，能自立!
你要化思念为力量。努力向上，不偎辛苦。
你现在要做的是。。。尽你的本分读好书，把自己照顾好来，别让爸妈操心。
要知道，每样旅程都有尽头。
我，在尽头等着你。
努力吧! 永不放弃!
开心吧! 永不气馁!
快乐是自找的，不是任何人给你的。

自己上，
5/6/2002

I made the third choice.我作了第三个选择

在我的面前，忽然之间，就只剩两样东西而已: 贪婪与愚蠢。
我要做个聪明的人，所以我决定了要‘贪’ 。
因为我要贪，所以我选择了。。。报应。
报应，当然不是我要的。
但是，我却忘了贪婪*的附加条件就是‘报应’ 。
幸好，报应它已找上我了。
报应它提醒了我，这就是我所贪图的附加后果。
因此，我开始反省了，开始勉强自己知足了。
但是，贪婪并没明确地说明报应会何时了结。。。

Suddenly, in front of me, there were only two things left: Greedy and Stupidity.
I want to be an intelligent person, so I’ve decided to be ‘greedy’.
Because I want to be greedy*, therefore I’ve chosen… ‘payback’.
Payback, of course, isn’t what I’ve wanted.
But I’ve forgotten that the terms & conditions apply for greedy is ‘payback’.
Luckily, payback had come to me.
Payback reminded me of these terms & conditions for choosing greedy, which what I’ve hungered for.
And since then, I started to re-think, started to force myself to be satisfied with what I’ve got now.
But, greedy never stated clearly when payback will be ended…
12/2/2007

My valuable experience during selling cars (2)

Summary of my experience:

3. I must make sure that I NOTE DOWN the date of any installment that should be paid in my schedule. And I must pay ON TIME for all the installment.

Sometimes, we tend to forget on which date we must pay for our installment. Sometimes, we are just to buzy to spend a little bit of time to pay. Sometimes, we think it's alright to pay late. I'm still paying, right? So, what's wrong? Well, there's nothing wrong about it until you want to apply for a new loan. If you are the boss, would you consider to approve one's loan if he/she doesn't pay on time for most of the time? Would you have the fear that one day he/she might not able to pay back for you if he/she don't plan their spending habit properly?

4. I must NOT be a GUARANTOR to X (anybody) unless I have prepare that sum of money in case if X does not have the ability to pay anymore or RUNAWAY!

Please refer to my previous post of the consequences of being a guarantor: "I want to buy...Could you please help me..."

My valuable experience during selling cars (1)

I've always wanted to work in other field before starting to teach because I want to tell my students what's the real world is like. Although I have not see all of the real world, at least I know very little about it. Now, it seems like these experience are not only useful to them, it's also benefiting to me as well for my future.


Here are the summary of my experience:
1. Before I want to buy something, I'll make sure there will be an OFFICIAL RECEIPT issued to me when I pay.
If not, forget about buying that thing! Do you know why? Because if the thing you buy is not delivered to you, you have NO PROVE that you have paid for the thing you buy! Then, whom can you complaint to without any prove? Be alert, even the salesperson is your very own cousin or good friend!


2. I MUST BANK-IN my SALARY even my salary is paid with cash.
When you want to apply for loan, the bank will look at your income with prove such as payslip and bank statement (e.g: how much money in bank-in & withdraw from your account). If you are the officer, would you consider to approve one's loan if he/she can't show you any prove of income in black and white? Unless you have decided that you are not going to apply for any loan in the future for buying car or house or so on, PLEASE, PLEASE spend some time to bank-in your income for your future sake.
January 12, 2007

I'm very proud & lucky for being a SALESGIRL (2)

Before I joined the sales profession, I never analysed what people had in their thoughts. So, many times, my friends knew that I'm "blur, blur all the time". Hahaha! And yes, it was true, I just let everything pass by without analysing.

When I'm selling, my senior taught me how to judge a person whether he is interested to buy or not just by observing his body languange when he just step into the showroom. Do you know why my senior taught me this technique? Yes, because I served all the customers as if they can buy without any judgement. Of course, there's nothing wrong with this attitude. It's just that he felt it like just wasting my time. And to my surprise, his experience of reading customer's body languange was correct for most of the time (there's still some exception of body languange, and which cost me to lost my sales for simply judging body languange)!

Besides analysing body language, I've started to analyse the response of customers to my introduction of the product. After some times, I knew what were the things that attract certain customers. So now, its quite easy to make effective introduction to attract customers. And from time to time, I learned how to sharpen my skills of analysing (but still not very sharp yet).

My father and brother recommend some books of selling to me. After reading them, I did apply some of the techniques and analysed after the sales. Those techniques really worked! If I dare to ask the right questions, I would find out what were the customers really needed. From there, I can close the sales more easily!

I always think that selling is an easy job. Selling is a job that only require you to talk to customers, have the luck to get the sales and that's all. Now, to me, selling is not simple anymore but yet it still can be very easy. It's not just solely depend on luck, but how you analyse and plan for it to success! Just selling or successful selling depends on how you work on it!
January 21, 2007

I'm very proud & lucky for being a SALESGIRL (1)

For the past eight months, I'd been selling cars.

I started without any experience at all. Until today, I'd been the top sales person (not just only among salesgirl) for the past few months. Although the money I earned was not up to my expectation, the experiences will be my most valuable thing that I ever earned, ever!

Before I enter the sales profession, I was a shy person. I couldn't get along with people easily and I also felt so shy to talk to boys or man. When I'm selling cars, I must force myself to talk to all kind of people (no matter they are old or young, man or woman, boy or girl, or even kids). I've to listen and talk to them without feeling shy, afraid or without convidence. If not, will they buy cars from me? So, listening and conversation is the most important part of my investment.

I can't feel shy to listen and talk just because I don't know that person. I must take it easy and naturally so that my customers won't feel awkward, strange, or feel that I didn't respect them! And I tell myself, "I'm just giving the information needed by customers, and asking for the right questions so that I can help my customers and hopefully will get the sales. Because I'm not cheating or using tactics that I can't accept such as dressing sexily to attract my customers to buy. So, there is nothing to be shameful of! It is just a proper job that requires the sales person to communicate with the customers." That is why now I'm not shy of talking to strangers that I have to meet, be it man or woman. If I don't communicate, how would I ever get the information needed? I will not bother how the others think of me because of my job. By the way, it is a legal job!

Selling cars (& sanitary pads for just two months) had helped me to be a person who is much more mature in terms of communication. It also made me to stand firmly for my own thoughts. And here, I must thank my father and auntie who had given me the chance to experience the sales job. If not for them, I wouldn't have all these today! Thank you! And to all my friends who is doing sales now, I wish you all the best! And for those who will be joining sales job in the future, I will respect and support you!
January 20, 2007

It's alright to be late!

Once, a few of them came in late. And I said,
"Maybe you think it's alright to be late a little bit, because it's none of my business. And yes, there's really nothing concern me whether you are late, or you are not here at all! I just have to give you some advice as it is my duty to do so. You will be forgiven and there's no impact to you."
And they laughed.
I said again,
"When you are working in the real world, you will hear no more nagging or advice. Because your boss will only say to you,"You are fired!". And that's it. And that's all."
"Would you blame your boss for fired you just because you were late?"
"If you are the boss, would you hire somebody who came to work late?"
You should know what they answered, right?
"Before I leave this room, I just want to tell you: Your business is none of my business, but it is YOUR BUSINESS to decide whether you want to GET the BUSINESS or NOT!"

I want to buy...Could you please help me...

"I want to buy XXX, but I need a "guarantor" in order to get my loan approved. Could you please help me to be my "guarantor"? I really need to have XXX in my life. Please help me."

What your answer will be? To help or not to help?

Are you familiar with the above question and demand from you by somebody close to you in your life?

Example 1*
A: Hello, I want to buy XXX. Am I qualified to get the loan?
B: Based on your information and details proven by your documents submitted, you should be qualified to get the loan. However, the approval is depend on the checking and evaluation of the computer system first. Please wait for the loan approval after the checking and evaluation.

After a few days,
A: Has my loan been approved?
B: Sorry. Your loan has been rejected.
A: Why? I have the required amount of income, and I didn't owe anybody any money!
B: It's true that you have fulfill the basic requirement for the income category. However, after the checking by computer system, it was found out that you are a guarantor to your family member. And, your family member had not repay his loan for more than 3 months. In another word, you are not qualified to apply any loan for the mean time.
A: It's not my fault. I was just trying to help my family member to get the loan. Alright, forget about that. Now, please tell me, how can I get my loan approved.
B: There are 2 ways. The first way is, ask your family member to pay back the loan. The second way is, you pay back your family member's loan. After the loan is fully paid back, then, your loan application will be considered (not straight away approved).
A: What? He owed more than ten thousands! He already can't pay anymore! And I don't have that much of money!
At this moment, A looked very sad, dissapointed and helpless...*
*The example 1 above does not refer to anybody in real life.

What would you do if you were A in the first place?
Would you be a guarantor to anybody?
Could you bear, handle, or overcome the possible outcomes of being a guarantor?
Please CONSIDER these questions SERIOUSLY, as I've seen many of these outcomes of being a guarantor!