"In a relationship, it's not about you have your way and I've mine own way,
it's about TWO BECOME ONE!"
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Seeing a long term relationship might blossom.
However, I didn't want to immediately started it because of past experience.
I decided to apply, "Stop & Stare" for a while.
At the same time, I ask myself these questions:
"What are the purposes of having this relationship?"
"Why do I want it?"
"What are the possible outcomes?"
Thinking these questions, and trying to answering these question:
"The purpose is to have someone to support me,
agree with me,
accompany me,
care for me,
make my life not lonely as seen by others,
it's a way of life chosen by the majority and therefore I should follow it."
"Because I want to feel secure,
I don't want to feel lonely as describe by others if I remain single,
I want to be in the lifestyle as what the majority has acknowledge and agreed to,
I want to have hapiness given and shared together by my partner,
I want to be loved and to love."
"Happily ever after as in the fairy tales (haven't see it with my eyes yet).
Happy in the end although there are some difficulties & obstacles with disappoinment, anger, sadness along the journey.
Be apart from each other because of natural death or accident which brings sadness.
Be apart from each other as opinion and lifestyle are becoming more intolerable which bring disappoinment and anger.
Be apart from each other because extended relationship which violate the agreement and thus bring sadness and anger to both parties.
Living in joy because of support and care from each other.
Living in satisfaction because demands are fulfilled and can have more demands.
Living in worries because afraid of separation.
Living in dissactisfaction because more requirement are not being able to be fulfilled.
Living in doubts because suspecting he/she might cheat on me.
And the list goes on..."
But no matter what are the outcomes, LIFE STILL GOES ON!
Just after week after I answered these questions,
feelings toward him was gone.
And so was his feeling toward me.
Thus, feelings are impermanent.
Anyway, I really felt so relieved when he cancelled the date at that moment!
Grief springs from AFFECTION
"From affection springs grief,
from affection springs fear;
for him who is wholly free from affection there is no grief,
much less fear."
Dhammapada 213
I know why I'm relieved.
And I'm glad I stop and stare for a while.
If not, I would really feel hurt.
I'm not fear of being loved and to love.
I'm fear of LOSS.
HOLD NOTHING DEAR
"Hence hold nothing dear,
for separation from those that are dear is painful;
bonds do not exist for those to whom nothing is dear or not dear."
Dhammapada 211
I couldn't say and couldn't admit that I'm wholly free from affection and attachment.
However, I could understand the sense of being freed from affection in order not to feel let down by someone.
Maybe that someone who is really meant for me has not turn up yet! (from my previous karma, haha!)
