During the meditation retreat,
there is no where else I can go to visit, of course, except for the main shrine hall and bodhi tree. And we should not be talking to anyone during this meditation retreat.
That's tough for me who do the talking all day long for all these years!
When there is no one to talk to, I talk to myself.
I notice how my mind think.
When I saw a lot of food, I started to think I want to eat this and eat that even before I began to put any food in my mouth!
Now, I can really see how greedy I am!
No wonder why we need to keep noble silence! haha!
When I meditate, I tried to let go of my work, my worries, my planning and etc...
It's not easy to just stop thinking of them even for 5 minutes!
But when I finally calm down, I felt really peaceful and relax!
When I finished my sitting meditation, at the moment I opened up my eyes, my mind and body felt so relax! (just about 30 minutes, I guess)
It's just about being free from thinking!
Now, I started to recall back, if I'm travelling, the experience is either exciting or boring depending on the outside world!
If its just buildings, food or whatever I'm not interested in, I will feel boring and disappointed because THEY didn't make me happy!
If the activities are interesting and fun to me, I will feel excited because THEY make me happy!
And when it's the last day, I will feel so relieve because I can go home to my bed!
During the meditation retreat, after the talk by Ajahn, we, on our own, will be either closing our eyes doing sitting meditation, or doing standing or walking meditation in the SAME environment at EVERYTIME! It's not just one hour, it's for a few days! We just watch our breath going in and out. That's all! No need to do any thinking!
How to get excitement? It's boring!
But I just wish that the retreat could be longer!
At the end of the retreat, I found that I'm happy and peaceful, because I found the inner peace within myself.
It's not any happiness or peaceful moment that I have that is provided by OTHERS!
It's my mind! When my mind at least free from all those thinking at the present moment!
I can't do anything that I'm thinking when I wasn't able to do it! So why do I need to think about it and worried about it?
I can't do anything about the future because it has not yet happend! So why do I need to think about it and worried about it?
And I finally knew that peaceful moment is to be found within oneself, it's not provided or affected by others!
Ah, peaceful at last!
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When I went to my class, my friend thought I just came from my home! She said I must be energized because I've got to rest in my home before I come to class!
I told her, actually I was coming to this class right away after the meditation retreat! And she looked so surprised!
My parents and my brother said I look happy and my face is glowing!
Well, Ajahn Brahm said we will defintely looked different after we finished the meditation retreat! Ajahn is telling the truth!
Next meditation retreat...
2 comments:
meditation retreat....
it's hard to me....
but you can calm down to think something...
it is good for you...
take care... and all the best
Did you come to PJ for retreat?
Regarding talking...
Several years ago I had a short retreat in Metta Forest Monastery in Southern California. It wasn't as strict as what we have in Malaysia. Everyday between 6pm and 7pm we had a 'tea time' when participants were free to talk.
But, of course, we didn't talk when we were meditating inside the shrine hall.
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