He used to be so independent.
He didn't really like mind so much about what I'll be doing.
And he supported me always!
Lately, after he stopped working, he started to ask lots of questions.
Asking me not to do this, not to do that.
He started to become someone I've never knew before!
Sometimes, I feel like telling him to stop minding my business!
But it would be so rude to do that, because he is my father...
It became clear to me, that a home to my father - is a place where all the family members must be present and communicate always.
Without the family members, one will feel insecure, lonely, restless, etc...
My father once told me that luckily I'm still staying in this house because I brought a lot of voice in the house ( I'm very talkative, and I talk aloud)! haha!
This does not only happen to me, it also happens to my friend too!
My friend is the only child and is working in oversea!
The mum always asking the child when will come back to hometown to work again? (each time through the phone)
---------------------------------
I can't help to think, if one day, I were to get married, to get a child, to get old, will this happen to me as well?
Feeling insecure, restless, lonely...
Waiting for my families to bring me cheer and hapiness?
---------------------------------
When there is no one beside you for some time, especially during festive seasons, how would you feel?
Feeling lonely?
Feeling insecure?
Thinking of something to do?
Thinking of somewhere to go?
Thinking of someone to talk to?
Or might be feeling very restless, pity, upset...
Is it where you are staying now, a place called house or home, is really a home to your heart?
Happy and peaceful eventhough there is no one around to bring hapiness to you?
---------------------------------
I'm starting to search for the home in my heart.
And I know where is my home.
---------------------------------
During this Chinese New Year 2009,
May all be able to find a home for the heart!
May all be well, peaceful and happy!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 04, 2009
The inner peace...I think I found it...
During the meditation retreat,
there is no where else I can go to visit, of course, except for the main shrine hall and bodhi tree. And we should not be talking to anyone during this meditation retreat.
That's tough for me who do the talking all day long for all these years!
When there is no one to talk to, I talk to myself.
I notice how my mind think.
When I saw a lot of food, I started to think I want to eat this and eat that even before I began to put any food in my mouth!
Now, I can really see how greedy I am!
No wonder why we need to keep noble silence! haha!
When I meditate, I tried to let go of my work, my worries, my planning and etc...
It's not easy to just stop thinking of them even for 5 minutes!
But when I finally calm down, I felt really peaceful and relax!
When I finished my sitting meditation, at the moment I opened up my eyes, my mind and body felt so relax! (just about 30 minutes, I guess)
It's just about being free from thinking!
Now, I started to recall back, if I'm travelling, the experience is either exciting or boring depending on the outside world!
If its just buildings, food or whatever I'm not interested in, I will feel boring and disappointed because THEY didn't make me happy!
If the activities are interesting and fun to me, I will feel excited because THEY make me happy!
And when it's the last day, I will feel so relieve because I can go home to my bed!
During the meditation retreat, after the talk by Ajahn, we, on our own, will be either closing our eyes doing sitting meditation, or doing standing or walking meditation in the SAME environment at EVERYTIME! It's not just one hour, it's for a few days! We just watch our breath going in and out. That's all! No need to do any thinking!
How to get excitement? It's boring!
But I just wish that the retreat could be longer!
At the end of the retreat, I found that I'm happy and peaceful, because I found the inner peace within myself.
It's not any happiness or peaceful moment that I have that is provided by OTHERS!
It's my mind! When my mind at least free from all those thinking at the present moment!
I can't do anything that I'm thinking when I wasn't able to do it! So why do I need to think about it and worried about it?
I can't do anything about the future because it has not yet happend! So why do I need to think about it and worried about it?
And I finally knew that peaceful moment is to be found within oneself, it's not provided or affected by others!
Ah, peaceful at last!
--------------------------------------------
When I went to my class, my friend thought I just came from my home! She said I must be energized because I've got to rest in my home before I come to class!
I told her, actually I was coming to this class right away after the meditation retreat! And she looked so surprised!
My parents and my brother said I look happy and my face is glowing!
Well, Ajahn Brahm said we will defintely looked different after we finished the meditation retreat! Ajahn is telling the truth!
Next meditation retreat...
there is no where else I can go to visit, of course, except for the main shrine hall and bodhi tree. And we should not be talking to anyone during this meditation retreat.
That's tough for me who do the talking all day long for all these years!
When there is no one to talk to, I talk to myself.
I notice how my mind think.
When I saw a lot of food, I started to think I want to eat this and eat that even before I began to put any food in my mouth!
Now, I can really see how greedy I am!
No wonder why we need to keep noble silence! haha!
When I meditate, I tried to let go of my work, my worries, my planning and etc...
It's not easy to just stop thinking of them even for 5 minutes!
But when I finally calm down, I felt really peaceful and relax!
When I finished my sitting meditation, at the moment I opened up my eyes, my mind and body felt so relax! (just about 30 minutes, I guess)
It's just about being free from thinking!
Now, I started to recall back, if I'm travelling, the experience is either exciting or boring depending on the outside world!
If its just buildings, food or whatever I'm not interested in, I will feel boring and disappointed because THEY didn't make me happy!
If the activities are interesting and fun to me, I will feel excited because THEY make me happy!
And when it's the last day, I will feel so relieve because I can go home to my bed!
During the meditation retreat, after the talk by Ajahn, we, on our own, will be either closing our eyes doing sitting meditation, or doing standing or walking meditation in the SAME environment at EVERYTIME! It's not just one hour, it's for a few days! We just watch our breath going in and out. That's all! No need to do any thinking!
How to get excitement? It's boring!
But I just wish that the retreat could be longer!
At the end of the retreat, I found that I'm happy and peaceful, because I found the inner peace within myself.
It's not any happiness or peaceful moment that I have that is provided by OTHERS!
It's my mind! When my mind at least free from all those thinking at the present moment!
I can't do anything that I'm thinking when I wasn't able to do it! So why do I need to think about it and worried about it?
I can't do anything about the future because it has not yet happend! So why do I need to think about it and worried about it?
And I finally knew that peaceful moment is to be found within oneself, it's not provided or affected by others!
Ah, peaceful at last!
--------------------------------------------
When I went to my class, my friend thought I just came from my home! She said I must be energized because I've got to rest in my home before I come to class!
I told her, actually I was coming to this class right away after the meditation retreat! And she looked so surprised!
My parents and my brother said I look happy and my face is glowing!
Well, Ajahn Brahm said we will defintely looked different after we finished the meditation retreat! Ajahn is telling the truth!
Next meditation retreat...
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