It's just there

What is not under my control, could not be mine ...

However, I just feel so frustrated and upset!

I guess I still haven't walk out from the trauma of accident last year ...
though I just have very minor muscle pain only after being hit  ...

Whenever I see traffic light, I'm so scare that it will suddenly turn to red...
Do I have enough time to stop ???
Will I be hit by another car?
Will I hit other car?

Those thoughts just keep coming back from time to time though I know it just delusion ...

Once, I saw a car knock on a lady at the zebra line because the driver did not wait for green light...

I started to be extra careful whenever I see the traffic light for pedestrian ...

If I have passengers with me, I feel extra pressure because I'm in charge of their safety ...

I still have to drive although I still carry this fear with me...

Now I understand why a colleague of mine is unable to drive after the trauma of hitting a person ...

Those thoughts just couldn't stop ....

I hope that these delusions will completely fade away one day ...